The Best Laid Plans
by Pineapple1
Summary: “It just ain’t a good robbery if it don’t end at the doc’s.” Mal and Kaylee get caught up in the fallout of Serenity’s latest robbery scheme. Pre-BDM.


"Well, ain't this just shiny!"

"Not entirely sure I agree with you there, Cap'n!"

Mal threw Kaylee a rakish smile. He was all too aware that they were, in fact, in a steaming pile of gou shi. Gunfire was flying over their heads in a steady stream, they had precisely one weapon between them and the rest of the crew were no where to be seen – and likely wouldn't be seen if the rest of their latest plan had been carried off without a hitch.

It wasn't even one of their more complex plans, Mal thought to himself. Relatively straightforward even. Basic robbery. All Mal and Kaylee had had to do was approach a group of sellers under the guise of being respectable buyers, distracting them from their warehouse of merchandise, long enough for the rest of crew to steal it from right under their noses. Easy.

Except nothing ever was. How was Mal meant to know that one of the sellers was an old acquaintance? An old acquaintance whom he had once swindled out of a good deal of money?

Mal risked poking his head out from behind the crates he and Kaylee were hiding behind for another assessment of the situation. He nearly got his nose blown off for his trouble. Kaylee smacked him hard on the arm.

"Ow, what the hell was that for?"

"Are you tryin' to get yourself killed? Don't go sticking your head out there!"

Mal rubbed his arm petulantly. "I'm tryin' to get the lay of the land! See if there ain't a way out of this gorram hole."

Kaylee rolled her eyes. "Cap'n, I don't mean to be rude, but this is a warehouse – there's only two exits and the men with the big guns are between us and them. How much more 'lay of the land' do ya need?"

Mal frowned in annoyance. "Well jeez Kaylee, thanks for stating the obvious! But I gotta do somethin', I'm runnin' outta ammo to send return volleys and once that happens them boys with guns are gonna be all over us. In a decidedly bad way."

Kaylee worried at her lower lip. "Sorry, Cap'n," she said quietly, "I just never know what to do in these situations. I'm all kinds of out of my element. Makes me jittery."

Mal sighed and put his arm round her shoulders in a comforting manner. Kaylee shouldn't even have been on this sort of mission with him, normally it'd be Inara's job to make him look all respectable but she was on the otherside of the planet on 'business' and Zoe was vital to other parts of the plan. That left Kaylee. Mal gave her shoulders a squeeze; "We'll get out of this, not to worry."

Kaylee gave a weak smile. "How long d'you reckon til Zoe and the rest of the crew realize something's gone wrong?"

Mal took advantage of the brief respite in firing and craned his neck around the crates again, managing to get a better view than last time. "Got no idea, but I think it's about time I tried to get us out of here."

Kaylee pulled away from Mal, alarmed. "Are you outta your nut cracker, Cap'n?"

Mal quirked a smile. "It's been said." He turned seriously to her then; "Here's the plan: I'm gonna go out there all nice like, and then start firing. Meanwhile you're gonna run down the otherside of the warehouse and out the exit," Kaylee tried to interrupt but Mal quickly shushed her. "When you get out, contact Serenity and get yourself the hell to safety."

Kaylee looked frightened. "What about you?"

"I'll be right behind you. Hopefully."

"But Cap-"

"But nothin'. You get yourself out. You hear?"

Kaylee nodded mutely.

Mal took a steadying breath, waited for the lull in firing again and launched himself out of their hiding place. He threw his hands in the air; "I come in peace!"

The lead gunman eyed him warily. "You stole from us Mister Reynolds! Do you really think we'll spare your life?"

Mal appeared to consider. "Honestly?" He dropped his hands to his sides. "No, I really really didn't."

Without further ado, his gun was smoothly removed from its holster and he began firing at the six gunmen from the hip. He caught a glimpse of Kaylee making a mad dash down the side of the warehouse in his periphery and felt a quick rush of relief, at least she would make it out.

He dropped the first two gunmen with ease, his fast draw taking them completely by surprise. He had to make a dramatic dive roll to the right in order to avoid a flurry of gunfire from the third gunman, before coming up shooting again. He took the third guy down with a shot to the shoulder, before quickly turning his gun to the other three, his trigger finger working overtime. Except… nothing was coming out of his gun anymore. "Ta ma de!" he cursed. What a time to run out of ammo.

Mal quickly gauged his distance to the exit and began running, sucker punching one of the gunmen as he ran past. He was almost at the exit when he felt it; a sharp, painful blow to the shoulder. He stumbled, going to his knees. Quickly trying to shrug the injury off, Mal attempted to raise himself to his feet.

"I wouldn't." A voice said from behind him followed by a cold press of metal against the back of his head.

Mal raised his hands again and slowly turned to face the man threatening him. He saw four gunmen behind him, including the man he'd shot in the shoulder earlier. Mal sighed in resignation and closed his eyes. "Let's get this over with, boys."

At that moment there was a scuffling behind Mal and an all too familiar voice protested; "Get your grimy paws off me!"

Mal whipped round to see Kaylee being dragged roughly back into the warehouse by another goon with a gun. She was dropped unceremoniously next to him.

"Caught her tryin' to sneak round the back, boss." The man who brought her in explained.

Mal thought quickly. "Let her go." He said, addressing the 'boss'. "She's got nothing to do with me or this, I just hired her this morning. She didn't know what she was getting into."

The leader considered both of them briefly before replying coldly: "Not my problem."

Two gun barrels were pressed up against each of their foreheads. Mal reached a comforting hand over to Kaylee's and squeezed his eyes shut waiting for the inevitable.

Gunshots echoed in the carvernous warehouse but Mal didn't feel any pain. He didn't feel anything at all.

Cracking open an eyelid, Mal looked up to see Zoe standing there, shotgun slung over one shoulder and several dead men lying behind her.

She offered him a hand and a smirk. "Sir."

Mal pulled himself up. "Good timing as always, Zoe. Cutting it a little fine though, maybe?"

Zoe turned to help Kaylee up Andover her head Mal noticed Jayne pilfering money and smokes out of one of the dead gunmen's pockets. He rolled his eyes.

"I like to keep things interesting, sir." Zoe replied. She eyed his shoulder. "Need a doc for that?"

Mal rolled his shoulder experimentally. "Seems like. It just ain't a good robbery if it don't end at the doc's."

Zoe walked away to both berate Jayne and radio Serenity to prepare the med lab again, leaving Mal alone with Kaylee.

She was shaking, he noticed. Walking gently over, he laid a hand on her shoulder. She barely seemed to notice. "You okay in there, mei-mei?"

She shrugged uncertainly. "Guess I ain't too fond of lookin' my own mortality in the face like that."

Mal grimaced. He really ought to learn to leave Kaylee to happily tinker with Serenity's engine, not drag her out on jobs. "Sorry Kaylee, I shouldn't have pulled you into this. I'm one hell of a lousy Captain, ain't I?"

That broke Kaylee out of her reverie and for the second time that day she smacked him hard on the arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what! Don't be thinkin' like that, Cap'n. You're a gorram great Cap. 'Sides I knew when I came onboard that you weren't exactly on the straight and narrow." She shrugged. "Just don't always like bein' reminded of it."

She smiled a little at him then and Mal couldn't help returning it. Slinging his arm around her shoulders he began steering them towards the exit. "C'mon, we gots to get me to the infirmary…. Maybe you can come and do the explainin' to the doc? Distract him from lecturin' me? For a frightful pretty boy, he can be a real bore."

Kaylee gave him a half-hearted thwack in the stomach but smiled along with her Captain all the same.


End file.
